IS IT REALLY CHEESE? - Processed Cheese

My dad and I were watching a TV show about how different foods are made, and the topic of that episode was cheese and processed cheese. Processed cheese includes cheesy spreads, such as Cheese Whiz, as well as American singles. We were absolutely appalled by the contents of processed cheese and process it undergoes, so my dad decided to set up a little experiment.

It’s now time for… “IS IT REALLY CHEESE?”!!!!!!!!

Experiment Title: IS IT REALLY CHEESE? - Processed Cheese
Hypothesis: Processed cheese is hardly cheese, if cheese at all
Assumptions: Rodents know cheese

We tried very hard to set up a double-blind experiment and for our experimental process to meet the regular expectations of the scientific community; unfortunately, the only rodent available was Claire, so we had to make do with what we had. Claire was used because of her experience with many cheeses–although a sharp New York State cheddar like from the Collosse Cheese Factory, will satisfy her palate, she prefers to dine on more exquisite cheeses, such as Gouda, Edam, or preferably Brie.

First, my dad took a test sample of cheddar and administered it to Claire. Claire woofed it down without even thinking and begged for more. Next, my dad took a standard test size of a less-strong cheddar and administered it to Claire. Claire stomached it, though she did not like it as much as stronger cheddars, and begged for more.

Then, my dad attempted to administer a piece of an KRAFT(R)(TM)(C)(SM) American single to Claire. Claire hesitantly approached the foreign substance, smelled it, rubbed her nose on it, scratched at it, and then threw it out of the cage.

Dad: Well I’ll be… if a rat won’t eat processed cheese then I sure as heck won’t!

There you have it, folks, this proves that processed cheese is not in fact real cheese!