“I’ll return shortly, guys. Please stick together this time. Remember, the safest way to get through this with no mistakes is to use the Buddy System, wash the colors and whites together using detergent only (so we don’t accidentally bleach the colors), and to wait for me right here. I’ll be back in thirty-eight minutes exactly to transfer you to the dryer, and then another sixty minutes after that to quickly fold you and get you back to safety. Ready? TEAM!” I knew I had covered all that could be expected, and I proceeded to find something to eat; however, in the depths of my being I sensed that, should the unexpected occur again as it did on that very similar night of yore, all the preparations of the world could not resist the inevitable.

Everything went smoothly during the transitional stages of Checkpoint A. I drove across town to take care of some final preparations before returning to fold and retrieve my flock. At one point, on my way back to the Laundry, I needed to hop out of my faithful Jeep for a quick second. I left it running so its continued warmth could combat the now slightly-frigid, damp air (I did not bother to place my jacket upon my back for such a quick encounter with the elements). The air had changed–and so had my luck.

I returned to my vehicle, only to find that the door had somehow become locked. Was it someone out of the night? Had that manipulative lock bud tickled out of my funny bone an unfortunate nudge? “I just need to stay calm,” I thought. “After all, I always carry a spare key! This is no problem at all!” I couldn’t have been more wrong.

I reached into my pocket only to find that the holy, beat-up old pair of jeans I had put on just for the occasion had failed me. The pocket that previously provided a safe haven for my spare key had become the instrument for its doom. Indeed, this pair of Laundry Day jeans had acquired an additional hole–right in the pocket! I cried out, “No! How could you do this to me, my old friend?”

My pants replied, “I have only betrayed you as you had betrayed me, leaving me with the others you hardly wear anymore.”

My heart and mind quickly returned to my beloved facing the Laundry. I exclaimed, “Beware of the lint trap! It’s a trap!” What if I did not get back in time to save them from the wrinkles of agony? The mildew of despair? It surely was too far to walk, and with my jacket locked inside my over-heating Jeep, I would freeze to death if I tried. Oh, the terrible irony!

I had but minutes to safely retrieve my flock before their suffering commenced. I was trapped on the opposite side of town from the Laundry, and the opposite side of town from an evening meeting, and the only thing separating me from freedom was a thin pane of glass. Just then, just enough light descended from Heaven to illuminate the resting place of my spare key. I swooped it up, hopped in my Jeep, and raced against the clock, making it just in the nick of time. After folding, I gleefully galloped to Downtown for fellowship with my friends.

Accustomed to crazy adventures like these only while visiting big cities, I never before would have guessed the potential for one right here in my own back yard! And this, my friends, is a perfect example of my trademark way for a man to testify that he is, in fact, really called for marriage after all–in normal, day-to-day activities (like doing the laundry) he finds he simply cannot function without a helper to correct him, regardless of his level of sense or intelligence! (That is, of course, after God has revealed marriage for the man to be a part of His Purpose.)

Roster: Rajiv N., Omkar D., Krunal B., Wenjin H., Erin K., Pat W. (me)
Equipment: Water canteens, flash lights, fire starters, VX-7R ham radio

Phone tracking: iPhone, GPS Tracker (dependent upon cellular coverage)
Radio tracking: OpenTracker+ SMT, Yaesu VX-7R HT (experimental, alpha test)

Driving Map:

On my first night, I dined in one of the hotel eateries where I ate a delicious rib eye steak, my favorite cut of meat. The steak was perfectly prepared naked, medium-rare, and thick-cut (over one inch thick). Cut from Midwestern Aberdeen Angus (Black Angus), fresh and never frozen, it was the best rib eye I have ever eaten. In addition to being freshly cut, its succulent tastiness was helped by the fact that Midwestern cattle consume different minerals as they graze than Northeastern cattle do, which produces a flavor that some people prefer. Kansas definitely knows its beef.

On my second night I went out for fantastic barbecue with those that I was meeting in Wichita. We went to Two Brothers Barbecue, where I ordered a combination dinner that included shredded loin, Kansas City-style burnt tips, and pulled pork. It was a great taste of the best of barbecue from three different regions–Southern, Midwestern, and Northeastern styles, respectively. The meat was delicately smoked very well, and several different barbecue sauce condiments were available.

On my final night, I ate in the hotel’s sports bar eatery where I had a strip steak. It was also cut from Midwestern Aberdeen Angus and was very flavorful and tender, and fairly juicy, the way strip steak should be, and much unlike the average strip steak in the Northeast nowadays. Apparently, strip steaks used to be much better in our region back in the old days, but for some reason or another tend to be dryer and less appetizing these days.

My flights all ran very smoothly, and getting through security at the airports was so easy I cannot imagine why people are always complaining about it. It seemed that there were plenty of checkpoint aisles and personnel  to handle all the travelers in a timely manner, but maybe that is a more recent achievement at airports than it was in the past. One thing to note is that there are two airports in Chicago, and one is a lot nicer to have a long layover in than the other (one has sit-down restaurants, small shops, and entertainment opportunities, while the other has only small shops, McDonald’s, and a bar). I was offered a free round-trip flight if I volunteered to take a later flight and give up my seat on my way back, but because my ride had already left to meet me at the airport, I decided I couldn’t take it. Maybe next time.