The big the bad the real world and impending doom of the future.

So it is just that time of the summer just after the first of July as always when Houghton decides to give me the wonderful blessing of a bill for next semester, the very moment we all look forward too the true highlight of all or our summers I am sure. To top it off this time it came with a wonderful attached notice saying I was selected for income verification. Lucky me, I know you are all certainly jelious. The only bad news is that I happened to have already thrown out or terribly misplaced all of my W 2’s. Opps. Why doesn’t the government have that all on record anyways? Seems like they would know better than I, and after all why would I lie so that I am completely unable to get any federal aid? Makes no since to me.

So I get this bill and then I realize something and that is, not only do I have to worry and figure out this whole income verification business I also have to worry about the whole private loan jaz yet ago for even more than I had to last time around… And then it really hit me that this time next year I am going to have to start paying all of those loans back. And that really freaked me out I mean I was already on the whole what in the world I am going to do with my life. I mean the whole getting a job doing whatever that might be was starting to look realy good in comparision to having to move out and figure out where I was going to be living if I wanna get married right away and all that jaz…. I actually have to grow up! Man the real world is actually real, imagine that….somehow the last three years of loans and whatnot at Houghton really never sank in until this morning. It is like when you spend so so much it is so much easier to not really understand and just let it slip your mind. But I couldn’t really do that even with the impending physics final I had this afternoon. Cause I realized something and that is just the reality I am in…..and that penny pitching kinda seems silly incomparision to all the debt.

Then I got to thinking why did I do this in the first place. I mean I never did and certainly still don’t know what in the world I want to do and I deffinately didn’t have any major reason to going to school or to Houghton other than I thought that was what you were supposed to do after high school. After all I had straigt A’s all throughout highschool must be the right step is college and what better than a Houghton, everyone there was so nice and it was exactly the enviroment that I could have dreamed of living in. So although I am still really freaked out about all the loans I have to pay off and still unsure of what I want to do or if I will be able to find a job that is suited for me or one that I can live off of and hopefully help support a family off of, I realize that there are far more important things. And I remebered something that the last three years at Houghton has certaintly helped me drill into my head and experiance time after time and that is that God will always provide a way and that he knows far better than I do. I would never take back all the experiances I have had at Houghton, except maybe some of the Chemistry if you know what I mean…. But seriously Houghton has been so wonderful to me and I have learned so much that I am certian that I will forever take with me and use no matter what ends up happing in the future. As much as it may be hard to realize at times Houghton has and will continue to be the place for me and I am very greatful. And hopefully I have the faith and strentgh to really trust God with all my debt and help me find a good job.

So big bad future here I come watch out cause I have God on my side and loans you have nothing on him…..nothing…..ttfn

July 2nd, 2009 by Krista

Dear Sophia,

I don’t really know how to tell you this, but The mafia wants you. I think I realized it when I tripped on peanut butter outside the mental hospital and I saw you sit on my illegitimate child in Ghana. I’m sure you’re frostbitten enough to understand the middle-east is planning their revenge on you. I’m returning our matching snoopy underwear to you, but I’ll keep the results of that blood-sample as a memory. You should also know that I always will remember the pep talks and I’m scratching my butt as you read this.

Best of luck on your sex change,
Krista

Here’s how you do it:

Dear (someone you recently talked to),

I don’t really know how to tell you this, but (1). I think I realized it (2)(3) and I saw you (4)(5). I’m sure you’re (6) enough to understand (7). I’m returning (8) to you, but I’ll keep (9) as a memory. You should also know that I (10) and (11).

(12),
(Your name)

1) What’s the color of your shirt?
Blue – I’m in love with your cat
Red – Our affair is over
White – I’m joining the Convent
Black – Our romance is over
Green – Our socks don’t match
Grey – You’re a leprechaun
Yellow – I’m selling myself for candy
Pink – Your nostrils are insulting
Brown – The mafia wants you
No shirt – Purple hedgehogs want to destroy you
Other – I dislike your eyelashes

2) Which is your birth month?
January – That night you picked your nose
February -When I quoted Forest Gump
March – When your dwarf bit me
April – When I tripped on peanut butter
May – When I finally changed my underwear
June – When you put cuffs on me
July – When I saw the purple monkey
August -When you smacked my butt
September – Last year when you peed your pants
October – When we skinny dipped in the bathtub
November – When your dog humped my leg
December – When I threw up in your sock drawer

3) Which food do you prefer?
Tacos – In your apartment
Chicken- In your car
Pasta – Outside of your office
Hamburgers – Under the bus
Salad – As you were eating Kraft Dinner
Lasagna – Outside the mental hospital
Kebab – With Jean Chrétien
Seafood – In your closet
Sandwiches – At the Elton John concert
Pizza – At the mental hospital
Hot dog – Under a street light
Annat- With George Bush and Stephen Harper

4) What’s the color of your socks?
Yellow – Ignore
Red – Put whipped cream on
Black – Hit on
Blue – Knock out
Purple – Pour syrup on
White – Carve your initials into
Grey – Pull the clothes off
Brown – bite off
Orange – Castrate
Pink – Pull the pants off of
Barefoot – Sit on
Other – Drive over

5) What’s the color of your underwear?
Black – My boyfriend
White – My father
Grey – The Catholic Priest
Brown – The Montreal Canadian’s goalie
Purple – My corned beef hash
Red – My knee caps
Blue – My salt-beef bucket
Yellow – My illegitimate child in Ghana
Orange – My Blink 182 cd
Pink – Your ‘My Little Pony’ collection
Other –The elephant in the corner

6) What do you prefer to watch on TV?
One Tree Hill – Senile
Heroes- Frostbitten
Lost – High
Simpsons- Cowardly
The news – Scarred
American Idol – Masochistic
Family Guy – Open
Top Model – Middle-class
Annat -shamed

7) Your mood right now?
Happy – How awful you are
Sad – How boring you are
Bored – That I get turned on only by garbage men
Angry – That your smell makes me vomit
Depressed – That we’re related
Excited – That I may pee my pants
Nervous – The middle-east is planning their revenge on you
Worried – That your Ford sucks
Apathetic – That you need a sex-change
Silly – That I’m allergic to your earlobes
Sleepy – That Santa doesn’t exist
Ashamed – That there is no solution to you being a dumb kid
Other – That your driving sucks

8) What’s the color of your walls in your bedroom?
Grey – Your toe ring
Yellow – Your love letters to me
Red – The pictures from Vegas
Black – Your pet rock
Blue – The couch cushions
Green – Your car
Orange – Your false teeth
Brown – Your nose hair clippers
White – Our matching snoopy underwear
Purple – Your old New Kids on the Block blanket
Pink – The cut toenails
Other – Your Hannah Montana underwear

9) The first letter of your first name?
A/B – Your neighbours dog
C/D – Your photo with the mustache drawn on it
E/F – My virginity
G/H – The oil tank from your car
I/J – Your left ear
K/L – The results of that blood-sample
M/N – Your glass eye
O/P – My common sense
Q/R – Your mom
S/T – Your collection of butterflies
U/V – Your criminal record
W/X – Your sucide note
Y/Z – Your credit cards

10) The last letter in your last name?
A/B – Love your sweet, sweet butt
C/D – Always will remember the pep talks
E/F -Never will forget that night
G/H – Will not tell the authorities that you stole the whale from the backyard.
I/J – Mocked you behind your back constantly
K/L – Hate your cooking
M/N – Told in my confession today about the moose poaching
O/P – Told my psychiatrist about the bruises
Q/R – Get sick when I think of your feet
S/T – Always wanted to break your legs
U/V – Will try to forget that you broke my heart
W/X – Am better off without you
Y/Z – haven’t showered in a month

11) What do you prefer to drink?
Wine- Our friendship is ruined
Soft drink – I’m off to lead a new life as a lemon
Soda – I will haunt you when I’m reincarnated as an Eskimo
Milk – The apartment building is on fire
Water – I’m scratching my butt as you read this
Cider– I have a passionate interest for mice
Juice – You ruined my attempts at another world war.
Snapple/Vitamin water – You should get that embarrassing rash checked out
Hot chocolate – Your Cucumber-fetishism is weird
Whiskey – I love Oprah Winfrey
Beer – I threw up yesterday
Other – you should stop picking your nose

12) To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?
Thailand – Greetings to your frog, Leonard
Australia – best of luck on the sex change
France – Love always
Spain – With tears of sadness
China – You make me sick
Germany – Please don’t hurt me
Japan – Go milk a cow
Greece – Your everlasting enemy
USA – Warm tingly sensations
Egypt – Kiss my butt
England – Go drown

April 26th, 2009 by Krista

Malaria

It begins with a bite, a painless bite. The mosquito comes in the night, alights on an exposed patch of flesh, and assumes the hunched, head-lowered posture of a sprinter in the starting blocks. Then she plunges her stiletto mouthparts into the skin.
The mosquito has long, filament-thin legs and dappled wings; she’s of the genus Anopheles, the only insect capable of harboring the human malaria parasite. And she’s definitely a she: Male mosquitoes have no interest in blood, while females depend on protein-rich hemoglobin to nourish their eggs. A mosquito’s proboscis appears spike-solid, but it’s actually a sheath of separate tools—cutting blades and a feeding tube powered by two tiny pumps. She drills through the epidermis, then through a thin layer of fat, then into the network of blood-filled micro-capillaries. She starts to drink.
To inhibit the blood from coagulating, the mosquito oils the bite area with a spray of saliva. This is when it happens. Carried in the mosquito’s salivary glands—and entering the body with the lubricating squirt—are minute, wormlike creatures. These are the one-celled malaria parasites, known as plasmodia. Fifty thousand of them could swim in a pool the size of the period at the end of this sentence. Typically, a couple of dozen slip into the bloodstream. But it takes just one. A single plasmodium is enough to kill a person.
The parasites remain in the bloodstream for only a few minutes. They ride the flume of the circulatory system to the liver. There they stop. Each plasmodium burrows into a different liver cell. Almost certainly, the person who has been bitten hardly stirs from sleep. And for the next week or two, there’s no overt sign that something in the body has just gone horribly wrong.
We live on a malarious planet. It may not seem that way from the vantage point of a wealthy country, where malaria is sometimes thought of, if it is thought of at all, as a problem that has mostly been solved, like smallpox or polio. In truth, malaria now affects more people than ever before. It’s endemic to 106 nations, threatening half the world’s population. In recent years, the parasite has grown so entrenched and has developed resistance to so many drugs that the most potent strains can scarcely be controlled. This year malaria will strike up to a half billion people. At least a million will die, most of them under age five, the vast majority living in Africa. That’s more than twice the annual toll a generation ago.

March 29th, 2009 by Krista

Come on Get Higher

I miss the sound of your voice

And I miss the rush of your skin

And I miss the still of the silence

As you breathe out and I breathe in

If I could walk on water

If I could tell you what’s next

Make you believe

Make you forget

So come on, get higher, loosen my lips

Faith and desire and the swing of your hips

Just pull me down hard and drown me in love

So come on, get higher, loosen my lips

Faith and desire and the swing of your hips

Just pull me down hard and drown me in love

I miss the sound of your voice

The loudest thing in my head

And I ache to remember

All the violent, sweet, perfect words that you said

If I could walk on water

If I could tell you what’s next

I’d make you believe

I’d make you forget

So come on, get higher, loosen my lips

Faith and desire and the swing of your hips

Just pull me down hard and drown me in love

So come on, get higher, loosen my lips

Faith and desire and the swing of your hips

Just pull me down hard and drown me in love

I miss the pull of your heart

I taste the sparks on your tongue

And I see angels and devils and God

When you come on, hold on

Hold on, hold on, hold on

Sing sha la la la

Sing sha la la la la

Come on, get higher, loosen my lips

Faith and desire and the swing of your hips

Just pull me down hard and drown me in love

So come on, get higher, loosen my lips

Faith and desire and the swing of your hips

Pull me down hard and drown me, drown me in love

(Come on get higher, loosen my lips)

It’s all wrong

(Faith and desire and the swing of your hips)

It’s all wrong

(Pull me down hard)

It’s so right

(And drown me, drown me in love)

Come on get higher

(Come on get higher, loosen my lips)

I miss the sound of your voice
And I miss the rush of your skin
And I miss the still of the silence
As you breathe out and I breathe in…

March 28th, 2009 by Krista

Energy

So being a college student taking way too many credits and working too many hours I and being in the rare group of not actually likeing caffinated beverages I have had to come up with my own ways to pull all nighters and some how get the mounds of work accomplished before me…. So I decided to finally let my secret out…and that is there is none…. Just a whole lot of faith and an amazing God that somehow makes everything work out in the end. But for our part here are 50 ways I found to boost our energy levels without cafeen that we all so often rely on…

While many people find caffeinated beverages to be an easy way to wake up in the morning or anytime during the day when sluggishness strikes, the reality is that while caffeine does offer some benefits, it can have a lot of negative side effects as well. When you come to rely on caffeine to get going you can experience many symptoms of withdrawal if you don’t get your daily fix. Some of these symptoms include headaches, irritability and even an upset stomach. Why deal with all that when there are other ways to boost your energy that don’t require any help from caffeine? Try out some of these suggestions to give you a boost when you’re feeling sleepy or to prevent tiredness altogether.

Basics

Give these basic techniques a try for increased energy throughout the day.

Turn on the lights. Your body responds naturally to changes in light, so if it’s unnaturally dark where you’re working or sleeping it may make staying alert a lot harder. Try keeping your blinds open a bit so you’ll wake up naturally in the morning or adding a few extra lights to your workspace to keep you from feeling sleepy throughout the day.
Get more sleep at night. Many people try to get by on a lot less sleep than they really need. While each person’s needs will differ, 7-8 hours a night is a good goal, and will help you feel more rested and better able to concentrate on anything throughout the day.
Examine your emotions. Stress, depression and other negative emotions can take a heavy toll on your energy levels. Your exhaustion may have a lot to do with how you’re feeling mentally, so take the time to deal with your emotions or get help if you need it.
Exercise. While it may seem counterintuitive, exercising can wake you up and give you an energy boost that lasts all day. Make time for even 30 minutes of exercise in your day and start reaping the benefits.
Get a physical. There are many illnesses, some serious and some not, that can cause drops in energy and cause you to be chronically sluggish. Take a trip to your doctor if you’re feeling run down on a regular basis to see if you may have a condition like mono, an underactive thyroid, or anemia.
Keep a sleep schedule. Our bodies enjoy consistency, so by keeping yourself on a regular sleep schedule you may be able to wake up more easily in the mornings and get to sleep more quickly at night, making you more rested in the long run.
Find things to get excited about. Of course you’re going to be exhausted in the morning if all you can think about doing is things you dread. Try to find at least one thing you can get excited about doing each day, even if it’s just making your favorite lunch or meeting with a friend after work.
Don’t linger in bed. Hitting the snooze button in the morning may delay the inevitable time when you do have to get up, but it’s not doing you any favors in the long run. Challenge yourself to get up and move around for at least 10 minutes to see if you’re still super tired. Chances are, once you get up you’ll be ready to start your day.
Wake up gradually. For some, the transition between sleep and the horrible beep of the alarm clock can create a drowsy and negative day thereafter. If your alarm tends to wake you with a start, try employing a method to wake yourself more gradually like beeps that get progressively louder or your favorite radio station.
Don’t focus on the negative. Being a pessimist may actually be making you more tired. Try looking on the positive side of things instead, and you may see a turn around in your energy levels.
Try something new. Getting into a rut can make your day seem boring and tedious and drain your energy levels. Change things up, try new things and seek out new experiences to spice up your day a little and keep you alert and awake.
Watch your attitude. If you let the bad things that happen during your day get you down, you’re bound to start feeling worn out. Watch your attitude and make sure you’re not letting yourself be overly negative.
Diet

What you choose to put into your body can make a huge difference in how energetic you feel, so check out these tips for ways to give yourself a boost.

Eat smaller, more frequent meals. Eating meals that are infrequent can cause your blood glucose to spike and crash, leaving you tired and hungry. And digesting huge meals can steal energy you need for other things. Instead, eat smaller meals throughout the day so you can keep your energy level and keep yourself feeling great.
Have an apple. Eating fruits can be a great way to get a quick energy boost. Fruits are more easily digestible than many other foods and can give the fuel you need to get going.
Drink enough water. Because your body is mostly composed of water, it makes sense that you need to get enough in order to function at your peak. Try to drink the standard 8 glasses a day to keep your brain and body in tip top shape.
Try whole grains. Complex carbs like those found in whole grains take longer for your body to break down and can be a good way to keep your energy levels steady all day.
Have a healthy snack. Instead of reaching for a sugary snack, eat something healthy instead. It’ll give you more energy for the long haul instead of just a quick boost, and you’ll be healthier overall.
Consider herbal supplements. Many people swear by herbs that are purported to improve energy levels. If you’re looking for a natural way to stay awake, try supplements of ginseng, bee pollen, gutu kola, maitake and more.
Don’t skip breakfast. Breakfast really is the most important meal of the day, at least in terms of energy. Having a good, well-rounded meal in the morning will help wake you up and keep you fueled for the rest of the day.
Take your vitamins. Making sure your body has all the vitamins it needs to function properly is integral to staying energetic. If your diet isn’t providing what you need, consider a multi-vitamin to supplement.
Avoid excess sugar. Sugar may be tasty, but it can also cause your energy levels to bottom out after it’s been digested. Avoid eating super sugary foods when you need to be at your peak energy levels.
Eat enough alkaline-forming foods. Foods are classified as alkaline or acidic forming based on its affect on your urine ph. Foods that are alkaline like fruits and vegetables are thought to be energy boosters, so try to consume more of these than their acidic counterparts.
Cut down on alcohol. Alcohol may appear to make you sleepy, but it can actually ensure that you get a much lower quality of sleep than you would otherwise. Keep it in moderation so it won’t affect your sleep and make you groggy the next day.
Make sure you are getting enough protein. Protein is an important part of a balanced diet and not getting enough can leave you feeling wiped out.
Grab a handful of nuts. Whether you like almonds, cashews, peanuts or walnuts, nuts can be one of the best sources for a quick energy boost. Or if you don’t have nuts on hand, try peanut butter instead.
At Home

Try these tips at home when you need a jumpstart to your day.

Take a short nap. When you’ve got the time at home and you’re feeling run down, why not take a little nap? Short naps can give you the rest you need to be more alert. Just make sure not to sleep for too long or you may end up feeling even more drowsy than you did before the nap.
Do some simple chores. If you’re having trouble getting motivated to do a big project because you feel tired, try starting out with a few simple household chores. The activity will help you wake up and feel more up to getting what you need to do done.
Wake up your mind. Sometimes it takes awhile to get your mind going in the morning. Try waking up by reading the news or doing a crossword.
Meditate and relax. Meditation can be a great and effective way to recharge throughout the day. Set aside a few minutes of your day to relax and let your worries go.
Take a walk. Whether you go just around the block or a few miles, taking a walk can help wake you up, clear your thoughts and maybe even improve your mood.
Get out of the house. Sunlight can help wake you up and help you stay up, so take a trip outside to catch some rays and get some fresh air.
Take a shower. Get your brain and body feeling fresh and awakened by taking a quick shower.
Indulge yourself. Giving into your cravings, enjoying a nice long bath, or simply relaxing on your patio can help refresh you and give you the energy to keep going.
Call a friend. What better way to wake up than by interacting with those you care most about? Give a friend or a family member a call to see what they’ve been up to.
Get acupuncture or a massage. Many forms of acupuncture and massage have been shown to help relieve stress and boost energy overall. If you have the time, why not try it out and see if it gives you the wake up you need?
Try aromatherapy. Certain smells like citrus, ginger and peppermint can have an energizing effect and help to boost your alertness. Light a candle or try a perfume infused with these scents to help you feel extra energized.
Play with a pet. Spending time with your furry friend can not only be fun, it can also make you feel happier and more energetic. Whether you decide to play in the park with your dog or tempt your cat with a string, make playing with pets a daily part of your energy routine.
At Work

Work can be exhausting, but you don’t have to let it ruin your energy levels. Try these tips instead.

Get away from your desk. Hours upon hours of sitting at your desk can start to sap your energy and make you plead for it to be 5 o’clock already. Give yourself a quick pick-me-up by stepping away from your desk for a bit for a trip to the water fountain, a walk around the office or just a short break.
Talk to a coworker. Boost your mood and your energy by connecting with your coworkers. Social interaction can help wake you up, especially if you’re doing tedious work, and give you the pep you need to go on.
Have a laugh. While the Internet’s plentiful humor sites are prime territory for distraction and procrastination, they can also be a great place to get a morale and energy boost. Laughter will make you feel better mentally and physically and ensure that you don’t end up asleep at your desk.
Do desk yoga. Yoga boasts many positions that are designed to improve the energy flow in your body and help you feel more alert. Check out the net for versions of these poses you can even do at work for a quick boost.
Listen to your favorite up-tempo songs. If you can listen to music at work, why not put on some tunes that will get your heart pumping and make you want to dance? It’s a surefire way to beat the mid-afternoon slump.
Start work with a challenging task. Get your brain in gear by giving it a challenging task first thing. You’ll be more alert and you’ll get the hard stuff out of the way so the rest of your day will be a breeze.
Stop slouching. Slumping down at your desk isn’t doing you any favors in the alertness category. Sitting up at your desk, in an ergonomically friendly way, can make you feel more alert and ready to work.
Volunteer to help someone. Studies have shown that helping others actually gives the helper a sense of elation and excitement, and at work it can show a lot of initiative while helping you stay awake.
Avoid coworkers who sap your energy. Everyone has that one coworker who is so glum, negative or boring that they just suck the energy right out of you. When it’s possible, keep this person away from you to save your energy and maybe your sanity too.
Stock your desk with high energy snacks. Don’t make it easier to eat unhealthy food just because you’re at work. Bring nuts, dried fruits and other healthy snacks to work in place of sugary or fatty counterparts from the vending machine.
Have a mint. For some people, the smell and taste of mint helps wake them up. Give it a try next time you’re feeling drowsy. Even if you still feel sleepy at least you’ll have fresh breath.
Get some sunlight. If it’s possible, try taking a break from your desk to get outside. Getting sunlight and fresh air can help make you feel more awake and maybe even put you in a better mood.
Look at your accomplishments. When you’ve got a lot on your plate at work, it can be easy to get overwhelmed and start feeling down on yourself and exhausted. Instead of looking at the bad side of things, try thinking about all the things you have gotten done. It will improve your mood and give you the energy to go on.

March 25th, 2009 by Krista

Dihydrogen Monoxide

What is Dihydrogen Monoxide?

Dihydrogen Monoxide (DHMO) is a colorless and odorless chemical compound, also referred to by some as Dihydrogen Oxide, Hydrogen Hydroxide, Hydronium Hydroxide, or simply Hydric acid. Its basis is the highly reactive hydroxyl radical, a species shown to mutate DNA, denature proteins, disrupt cell membranes, and chemically alter critical neurotransmitters. The atomic components of DHMO are found in a number of caustic, explosive and poisonous compounds such as Sulfuric Acid, Nitroglycerine and Ethyl Alcohol.

For more detailed information, including precautions, disposal procedures and storage requirements, refer to one of the Material Safety Data Sheets (MSDS) available for DHMO:

Should I be concerned about Dihydrogen Monoxide?

Yes, you should be concerned about DHMO! Although the U.S. Government and the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) do not classify Dihydrogen Monoxide as a toxic or carcinogenic substance (as it does with better known chemicals such as hydrochloric acid and benzene), DHMO is a constituent of many known toxic substances, diseases and disease-causing agents, environmental hazards and can even be lethal to humans in quantities as small as a thimbleful.
Research conducted by award-winning U.S. scientist Nathan Zohner concluded that roughly 86 percent of the population supports a ban on dihydrogen monoxide. Although his results are preliminary, Zohner believes people need to pay closer attention to the information presented to them regarding Dihydrogen Monoxide. He adds that if more people knew the truth about DHMO then studies like the one he conducted would not be necessary.

A similar study conducted by U.S. researchers Patrick K. McCluskey and Matthew Kulick also found that nearly 90 percent of the citizens participating in their study were willing to sign a petition to support an outright ban on the use of Dihydrogen Monoxide in the United States.

Why haven’t I heard about Dihydrogen Monoxide before?

Good question. Historically, the dangers of DHMO, for the most part, have been considered minor and manageable. While the more significant dangers of Dihydrogen Monoxide are currently addressed by a number of agencies including FDA, FEMA and CDC, public awareness of the real and daily dangers of Dihydrogen Monoxide is lower than some think it should be.

Critics of government often cite the fact that many politicians and others in public office do not consider Dihydrogen Monoxide to be a “politically beneficial” cause to get behind, and so the public suffers from a lack of reliable information on just what DHMO is and why they should be concerned. Part of the blame lies with the public and society at large. Many do not take the time to understand Dihydrogen Monoxide, and what it means to their lives and the lives of their families.

Unfortunately, the dangers of DHMO have increased as world population has increased, a fact that the raw numbers and careful research both bear out. Now more than ever, it is important to be aware of just what the dangers of Dihydrogen Monoxide are and how we can all reduce the risks faced by ourselves and our families.

What are some of the dangers associated with DHMO?

Each year, Dihydrogen Monoxide is a known causative component in many thousands of deaths and is a major contributor to millions upon millions of dollars in damage to property and the environment. Some of the known perils of Dihydrogen Monoxide are:

  • Death due to accidental inhalation of DHMO, even in small quantities.
  • Prolonged exposure to solid DHMO causes severe tissue damage.
  • Excessive ingestion produces a number of unpleasant though not typically life-threatening side-effects.
  • DHMO is a major component of acid rain.
  • Gaseous DHMO can cause severe burns.
  • Contributes to soil erosion.
  • Leads to corrosion and oxidation of many metals.
  • Contamination of electrical systems often causes short-circuits.
  • Exposure decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes.
  • Found in biopsies of pre-cancerous tumors and lesions.
  • Given to vicious dogs involved in recent deadly attacks.
  • Often associated with killer cyclones in the U.S. Midwest and elsewhere, and in hurricanes including deadly storms in Florida, New Orleans and other areas of the southeastern U.S.
  • Thermal variations in DHMO are a suspected contributor to the El Nino weather effect.

What are some uses of Dihydrogen Monoxide?

Despite the known dangers of DHMO, it continues to be used daily by industry, government, and even in private homes across the U.S. and worldwide. Some of the well-known uses of Dihydrogen Monoxide are:

  • as an industrial solvent and coolant,
  • in nuclear power plants,
  • by the U.S. Navy in the propulsion systems of some older vessels,
  • by elite athletes to improve performance,
  • in the production of Styrofoam,
  • in biological and chemical weapons manufacture,
  • in the development of genetically engineering crops and animals,
  • as a spray-on fire suppressant and retardant,
  • in so-called “family planning” or “reproductive health” clinics,
  • as a major ingredient in many home-brewed bombs,
  • as a byproduct of hydrocarbon combustion in furnaces and air conditioning compressor operation,
  • in cult rituals,
  • by the Church of Scientology on their members and their members’ families (although surprisingly, many members recently have contacted DHMO.org to vehemently deny such use),
  • by both the KKK and the NAACP during rallies and marches,
  • by members of Congress who are under investigation for financial corruption and inappropriate IM behavior,
  • by the clientele at a number of bath houses in New York City and San Francisco,
  • historically, in Hitler’s death camps in Nazi Germany, and in prisons in Turkey, Serbia, Croatia, Libya, Iraq and Iran,
  • in World War II prison camps in Japan, and in prisons in China, for various forms of torture,
  • during many recent religious and ethnic wars in the Middle East,
  • by many terrorist organizations including al Quaeda,
  • in community swimming pools to maintain chemical balance,
  • in day care centers, purportedly for sanitary purposes,
  • by software engineers, including those producing DICOM programmer APIs and other DICOM software tools,
  • by popular computer science professors, and
  • in animal research laboratories, and
  • in pesticide production and distribution.

What you may find surprising are some of the products and places where DHMO is used, but which for one reason or another, are not normally made part of public presentations on the dangers to the lives of our family members and friends. Among these startling uses are:

  • as an additive to food products, including jarred baby food and baby formula, and even in many soups, carbonated beverages and supposedly “all-natural” fruit juices
  • in cough medicines and other liquid pharmaceuticals,
  • in spray-on oven cleaners,
  • in shampoos, shaving creams, deodorants and numerous other bathroom products,
  • in bathtub bubble products marketed to children,
  • as a preservative in grocery store fresh produce sections,
  • in the production of beer by all the major beer distributors,
  • in the coffee available at major coffee houses in the US and abroad,
  • in Formula One race cars, although its use is regulated by the Formula One Racing Commission, and
  • as a target of ongoing NASA planetary and stellar research.

One of the most surprising facts recently revealed about Dihydrogen Monoxide contamination is in its use as a food and produce “decontaminant.” Studies have shown that even after careful washing, food and produce that has been contaminated by DHMO remains tainted by DHMO.

What is the link between Dihydrogen Monoxide and school violence?

A recent stunning revelation is that in every single instance of violence in our country’s schools, including infamous shootings in high schools in Denver and Arkansas, Dihydrogen Monoxide was involved. In fact, DHMO is often very available to students of all ages within the assumed safe confines of school buildings. None of the school administrators with which we spoke could say for certain how much of the substance is in use within their very hallways.

How does Dihydrogen Monoxide toxicity affect kidney dialysis patients?

Unfortunately, DHMO overdose is not unheard of in patients undergoing dialysis treatments for kidney failure. Dihydrogen Monoxide overdose in these patients can result in congestive heart failure, pulmonary edema and hypertension. In spite of the danger of accidental overdose and the inherent toxicity of DHMO in large quantities for this group, there is a portion of the dialysis treated population that continues to use DHMO on a regular basis.

Are there groups that oppose a ban on Dihydrogen Monoxide?

In spite of overwhelming evidence, there is one group in California that opposes a ban on Dihydrogen Monoxide. The Friends of Hydrogen Hydroxide is a group that believes that the dangers of DHMO have been exaggerated. Members claim that Dihydrogen Monoxide, or the less emotionally charged and more chemically accurate term they advocate for it, “Hydrogen Hydroxide,” is beneficial, environmentally safe, benign and naturally occurring. They argue that efforts to ban DHMO are misguided.Friends of Hydrogen Hydroxide is supported by the Scorched Earth Party, a radical and loosely-organized California-based group. Sources close to the Scorched Earth Party deny any outside funding from government, industry or pro-industry PACs.

Has the press ignored this web site and the Dihydrogen Monoxide problem?

For the most part, the press has not reported on the dangers of Dihydrogen Monoxide as much as some would like. Although many private individuals have put up web sites in a major grassroots effort to spread the word, major publications have not.

Recently, attention has been paid to the subject thanks to an incident in Aliso Viejo, California.  This so-called Aliso Viejo Incident was widely reported in the media, although the director of DHMO.org, Dr. Tom Way, was called a “prankster.”  Once the Associated Press started circulating the story, it became fact, and the valuable information being provided by the DHMO.org website was deemed to be “rubbish” rather than an honest and unbiased recounting of facts about a dangerous, life-endangering chemical compound.

If you are a member of the press, you may access our online Press Kit.  See the main page for access information.  This resource is for members of the press only.

Is it true that using DHMO improves athletic performance?

Absolutely! With the numerous allegations of amateur and professional athletes using anabolic steroids and/or blood doping to enhance performance, virtually no attention has been paid to the performance enhancing properties of Dihydrogen Monoxide. It is perhaps the sporting world’s dirtiest of dirty little secrets that athletes regularly ingest large quantities of DHMO in an effort to gain a competitive edge over an opponent.

One technique commonly used by endurance athletes in sports such as distance running and cycling is to take a large amount of DHMO immediately prior to a race. This is known within racing circles to dramatically improve performance.

Sports-medicine physicians warn that ingesting too much Dihydrogen Monoxide can lead to complications and unwanted side-effects, but do acknowledge the link to improved performance. DHMO is not currently considered a banned substance, so post-race urine tests do not detect elevated or abnormal levels of DHMO.

Can using DHMO improve my marriage?

This is a popular myth, but one which is also actually supported by a number of scientific facts. Dihydrogen Monoxide plays an instrumental role in the centers of the brain associated with feelings of emotional attachment and love. Married couples have found that regular ingestion of DHMO can improve their marriage-related activities, while couples that never ingest DHMO often find that their marriage suffers as well.

What are the symptoms of accidental Dihydrogen Monoxide overdose?

You may not always recognize that you have been a victim of accidental DHMO overdose, so here are some signs and symptoms to look for. If you suspect Dihydrogen Monoxide overdose, or if you exhibit any of these symptoms, you should consult with your physician or medical practitioner. The data presented here is provided for informational purposes only, and should in no way be construed as medical advice of any sort.

Watch for these symptoms:

  • Excessive sweating
  • Excessive urination
  • Bloated feeling
  • Nausea
  • Vomiting
  • Electrolyte imbalance
  • Hyponatremia (serum hypotonicity)
  • Dangerously imbalanced levels of ECF and ICF in the blood
  • Degeneration of sodium homeostasis

A recently noted medical phenomenon involves small amounts of DHMO leaking or oozing from the corners of the eyes as a direct result of causes such as foreign particulate irritation, allergic reactions including anaphylactic shock, and sometimes severe chemical depression.

What is a chemical analysis of Dihydrogen Monoxide

Recently, German analytical chemist Christoph von Bueltzingsloewen at the Universitaet Regensburg identified what may be key reasons why the dangers of DHMO are ever present. According to von Bueltzingsloewen, the chemical separation of dihydrogenoxide from the hazardous oxygendihydride is extremely difficult. The two similar compounds curiously occur in nearly equimolar distribution wherever they are found. It is not clear how the two contribute directly to the dangers inherent in Dihydrogen Monoxide, although von Bueltzingsloewen believes that a synergetic mechanism, catalyzed by traces of hydrogenhydroxide, plays a major role.

What can I do to minimize the risks?

Fortunately, there is much you can do to minimize your dangers due to Dihydrogen Monoxide exposure. First, use common sense. Whenever you are dealing with any product or food that you feel may be contaminated with DHMO, evaluate the relative danger to you and your family, and act accordingly. Keep in mind that in many instances, low-levels of Dihydrogen Monoxide contamination are not dangerous, and in fact, are virtually unavoidable. Remember, the responsibility for your safety and the safety of your family lies with you.

Second, exercise caution when there is the potential for accidental inhalation or ingestion of DHMO. If you feel uncomfortable, remove yourself from a dangerous situation. Better safe than sorry.

Third, don’t panic. Although the dangers of Dihydrogen Monoxide are very real, by exercising caution and common sense, you can rest assured knowing that you are doing everything possible to keep you and your family safe.

How can I find out more about Dihydrogen Monoxide?

We would be happy to tell you more about DHMO! Send us email

, and we’ll gladly attempt to keep you up-to-date on current developments in the study of Dihydrogen Monoxide, its uses and misuses.

There are a number of sites on the world wide web that contain more information on DHMO and related topics. It should be noted that we do not endorse these sites, nor do we control their content or political bias.

January 26th, 2009 by Krista

Laws of Laboratory Glassware

  • If a piece of glassware can fall it will do so.
  • Glass isn’t as sturdy as it looks.
  • If glassware can fall in two directions, it will fall in such a way as to create the most damage.
  • The above damage will also be done in such a way as to cause the most injury to your person.
  • The probability of a piece of glassware breaking is directly proportional to its price, its cleanliness and its necessity for the current lab.
  • The probability of a piece of glassware breaking is inversely proportional to its the quantity available for use.
  • The probability of a piece of glassware falling is directly proportional to its height above the floor.
  • If a piece of glass may fall it will fall just out of reach.
  • If two pieces of glass may break, the most expensive one will.
  • The one moment you turn away is the one moment the glassware decides to fall.
  • The probability of a piece of glassware falling is inversely proportional to the amount of time until the lab is complete.
  • The number of glass shards to clean up is inversely proportional to the lab time remaining.
January 26th, 2009 by Krista

Grignard

M A G N E S I U M, oh M A G N E S I U M

You need a hydrocarbon with a halide
Treat it in ether with magnesium
And when you want an alcohol, you start right here
Just take a carbonyl, oh a carbonyl, and soon what you’ll have is
An alcohol

Primary, Secondary, Tertiary, oh yeah
Hey, go attack formaldehyde, for primary
Or maybe you can use an aldehyde, secondary
But then there’s always ketone, oh yeah then tertiary

It don’t matter what you choose, for alcohol
take a carbonyl and that reagent
You always get an alcohol, Grignard reagent
Whenever you get started, all you need is that

M A G N E S I U M, oh M A G N E S I U M

First take a hydrocarbon with a halide
Treat it in ether with magnesium
And when you want an alcohol, you start right here
Just take a carbonyl, oh a carbonyl, and soon what you’ll have is
An alcohol

Forming carbon carbon bonds ain’t hard, all you need
Just watch what halide, don’t take fluoro
Give me bromo, iodo, or chloro, they all work
But there ain’t no F’s in my Grignard
You don’t need no special bonds or overlapping orbitals
A little halogenated alkyl group
Magnesium, carbon bonding, and protonation
And soon you’ll see you’ve formed a carbon bond and lost a salt

All you needed was a Grignard reagent
Application of a Grignard reagent

January 26th, 2009 by Krista

Adorable Borane (How 3 Propenes were led into ruin by a handsome Nucleus)

Characters: The characters include the Primary (Prim 1) and Secondary Carbon (Sec) of a propene, the Primary Carbons (Prim 2, 3) of two other propenes, the alluring Boron (Bor) and its three Hydrogens (Hyd), the evil Peroxide ion with its Oxygen (Ox 1), and the water molecule, with its Oxygen (Ox 2).

Sec: (Sigh) I’m a little tired of this pi bond, aren’t you?
Prim 1: Yes, it is a bit of a strain.
Sec. What we need is a nice pair of little hydrogens. Then we could settle down with some comfortable sp3 orbitals and enjoy the bliss of saturation.
Prim 1: (Seeing the borane) Look at that! What kind of atom is that??
Sec. Why, that’s a boron! You don’t see too many of those.
Prim 1: Just look at that nucleus! I would share electrons with that any day!
Sec: Just a sextet of electrons, and Boron can barely even hold on to them. Those hydrogens are practically ripping those electrons away. Can you imagine?
Prim 1: (to Boron) Hey, you cutie! Look what we’ve got. (Carbons wave their electrons at the Boron, who drifts over.)
Bor: Nice electrons, carbons.
Prim 1: Bond with me, gorgeous.
Bor: I’m not really interested in bonding right now, but I would like to get to know you better. (Boron sidles up close to Prim. Primary pulls the shared electrons closer to itself, leaving Sec a little bit delta positive.)
Sec: Hey, you two! Don’t take all the electrons. I feel naked.
Hyd: You look positively marvelous! Here, take my electrons. (Hydrogen yanks its shared electrons away from Boron and thrusts them at Secondary, who grabs them, at the same time letting go of one of the electron pairs shared with Primary. At the same instant, Primary hands the newly released electron pair to Boron, who takes it.)
Prim 1: Got you!
Bor: No, I got you!
Sec: Hello, Hydrogen. Do you like my orbitals? I was just saying to my bond-mate here, ‘What we need is a cute little hydrogen to bond with,’ that’s what I was saying. And here you are!
Hyd: Do you always talk this much?
Sec: It excites me when I hybridize my orbitals.
Bor: Well, that’s one. Now for another one. (Seeing another propene:) Hi, carbons!
Prim 1: What do you need them for when you’ve got me?
Bor: Well, in case you haven’t noticed, I still have nothing but a sextet. You may be satisfied, but I’m not! (The second propene approaches.) Nice electrons, carbons.
Prim 2: What are you doing with that propane? It doesn’t have anything to offer you.
Bor: No, but you do! Let me just admire your electrons. (Prim 2 starts to reach for Boron.) No, no, you naughty carbon. No bonding! (Boron’s second Hydrogen jumps
to the second propene, and Boron ends up bonded to Prim 2.)
Prim 2: (satisfied) How do you like those electrons?
Bor: Very nice! Now all I need is one more.
Prim 1: I don’t like this. There’s something screwy going on around here.
Bor: (to 3rd propene) Hi, there, you big hunk of electrophile bait!
Prim 2: Hey, what’s with you? Two propanes aren’t enough for you?
Bor: You’re all used up, and I’m still not satisfied.
Prim 3: Nice nucleus, boron! What are you doing hanging on to those two lumps of hydrocarbon?
Bor: Oh, they’re nothing. It’s you I want.
Prim 3: Well, take a grab of these electrons.
Bor: No, I don’t actually want to bond…
Prim 1 and Prim 2: Don’t believe it! Watch out for that Hydrogen!
Bor: Too late! (Boron’s last hydrogen hops over to the third propene, and Boron grabs Prim 3’s electrons.) Now I’ve got you, you three suckers! (Boron shouts to someone offstage:) You can come in now. I’ve got them! (A peroxide ion and a water molecule come in.)
Prim 3: Oh, no! It’s… it’s a peroxide! They shed oxygens the way children shed lice!
Prim 2: We’re doomed. I don’t like bonding with oxygens. They are the worst electron hogs! (The peroxide molecule advances on the organoborane.)
Bor: In here, Oxygen. (Boron grabs Oxygen 1 and puts it between itself and Prim 1. Boron then grabs the remaining hydroxide molecule.)
Ox 1: Hello, pal! Nice electrons. Don’t expect to see much of them! Heh, heh!
Bor: Hurry up, water! Get this over with. I don’t like having a negative charge!
(Oxygen 2 from the water hands its hydrogen over to Oxygen 1, keeping the electrons. Oxygen 1 immediately lets go of Boron.)
Ox 2: What’s in this for me, I’d like to know?
Bor: Just stick around. You’ll get your chance. (The organoborane and the left-over hydroxide exit in a struggling huddle.)
Sec: Look at us. We’re a lousy propanol. I never thought I’d see the day when I would be part of an alcohol molecule.
Hyd: I’d rather be bonded to you than to that rotten Boron. I tried pulling my electrons away, but I couldn’t quite do it.
Prim 1: That was a set-up. We were tricked.
Ox 1: Yup, that handsome little Boron does the trick every time.
Prim 3: Who would have thought that a cute little electrophile like that would be so wicked? Led us right straight into the gutter!
Ox 1: Yeah, and the Boron got me the Primary Carbon, no less! It’s the best system I know. Gets around that old Markovnikov rule.
Sec: (huffy) But really! I was still almost a carbocation!
Ox 1: Who cares? I’m happy. Let’s go contaminate some ethanol!

January 26th, 2009 by Krista

A Blind Date with Bromine Twins

Characters: Two sp2-hybridized Carbon Atoms (Carb 1 and Carb 2) in a cyclopentene are hanging out in the solvent waiting for their blind date. Presently they see a bromine molecule approaching, made up of two Bromine Atoms (Brom 1 and Brom 2).

Carb 1: What’s that molecule over there? Is that our date?
Carb 2: I don’t know. I hope not. It looks like a halogen.
Carb 1: Yeah, it does look like a halogen. Ugh, it’s a pair of fat bromines!
Carb 2: I know they’re supposed to be great electrophiles, but I can’t see what they have to offer us. I mean, look at that! They may have great nuclei, but they’re buried under layers and layers of electrons.
Carb 1: Yeah, maybe they are electrophiles, but I am a nucleophile and I’m not seeing any nucleus!
Brom 1: (Catching sight of the cyclopentene) Oh, look, that must be our date.
Brom 2: Hmm. Not a bad electron density for a pair of carbons.
Brom 1: (Giggling) They’re pi bonded. Kinky!
Brom 2: They don’t look too happy to see us. What if they refuse to share those lovely electrons?
Brom 1: Don’t worry. I know how to handle carbons. Here, you let me hold most of these electrons while I stand out of sight behind you and you pretend to be a cation.
Brom 2: A cation?!? Just what kind of halogen do you think I am?
Brom 1: Hey, it’s just temporary! It will only be until you grab hold of some of those great electrons. And that’s what we’re in this for, isn’t it? Electrons?
Brom 2: Yeah, I guess you’re right. (Bromine 1 stands behind Bromine 2, while Bromine 2 reluctantly lets Bromine 1 carry most of the electrons.) Ugh, this feels nasty.
Carb 2: Hey, they’re coming toward us.
Carb 1: Yeah, and you know, the closer they get, the better they look!
Carb 2: Yeah, that one in front is not nearly as fat as I thought at first. In fact, that one looks pretty darn good.
Brom 2: Hello, carbons! May I have a piece of your pi? (Bromine 2 waggles its nucleus at the carbons.) I have 35 protons! (Bromine 2 tosses its electrons back to Bromine 1 at the same time as both of the carbons lunge out and grab Bromine 2.)
Carb 1 and Carb 2: (Fighting over Bromine 2) Yeah, come here! I’ll take this one. Step aside; you bother me! My bromine! My protons! Keep your electrons off! You can have the other one!
Brom 2: Carbons! Carbons! I love you both dearly, but one of you will have to let go! This is simply not comfortable. I feel altogether too positive with my electrons spread out between two of you.
Carb 1: (to Carb 2) You let go! Bromine doesn’t have enough charge for me with you hogging half of it!
Carb 2: Why should I be the one to let go? I don’t want to be a carbocation!
Carb 1: Well, why should I be the carbocation? I’m a secondary carbon the same as you!
Brom 2: Will one of you please let go?!?
Brom 1: (to Bromine 2) Hey, Bro, if you let go of one of them, I’ll grab it.
Brom 2: I can’t let go! They won’t let me! Save me! (Bromine 1 tries to come in but can’t get near enough to the carbons to help because Bromine 2 is in the way.)
Brom 1: Move your fat orbitals!
Brom 2: I can’t! Try coming at them from behind. (Bromine 1 goes behind the cyclopentene.)
Brom 1: Okay, Carbon. I’m right behind you. Let go of my Twin and grab me.
Carb 2: No! No! No! I don’t want to be a carbocation!
Brom 1: You won’t be a carbocation, you idiot. We’ll do a nucleophilic substitution. Just grab a pair of my electrons and let go of my Twin’s electrons at the same time, and you’ll be okay. (Carbon 2 does this.)
Brom 2: Oh, that’s much better. Well, here we are, a cycloalkyl bromide!
Carb 2: Excuse me, but we’re more of a bromocycloalkane.
Brom 1: (scornfully) Oh, goody, an IUPAC perfectionist.
Brom 2: Gosh, do you realize we were a bromonium ion just for a little while there? I was in a bromonium ion!
Brom 1: That’s not something I would let get about, especially to other halogens. They might think you have a thing for a low electron density. You should just be quiet about it. You never know where there might be some chlorine lurking about.
Brom 2: (Looking anxiously over its shoulder) Oh, you can’t scare me, you fat chunk of fluorine bait.
Brom 1: Boy, am I glad this is a trans arrangement.
Carb 1: Will you two settle down? We wouldn’t have bonded with you if we had known you were so energetic!

January 26th, 2009 by Krista

Becoming an Alchol (A Sad Tale of a Good Oxygen Gone Bad)

Characters: A Primary Carbon (Prim) is sharing four electrons with a Tertiary Carbon (Tert) to form 2-methylpropene. A Hydrogen (Hyd) is bonded to an Oxygen (Ox); both are part of a water molecule. A Sulfuric Acid (Sulf) molecule is lurking nearby. Another Oxygen (Ox-2) (part of another water molecule) takes part in the last stages of the reaction.

Hyd: (Sighs) I’m tired of being part of a water molecule. I’d like to be part of something bigger and better. (Seeing 2-methylpropene.) Like that molecule over there!
Tert: (to Prim) There’s one of those water molecules. They never know whether they want to be the acid or the base.
Hyd: (shyly) Will you share electrons with me?
Prim: You’re kind of cute, but…you know.
Tert: We can’t let just anybody protonate our double bond. Nothing personal.
Hyd: Why? What’s wrong with me?
Prim: Well, no offense, but…we just like to see a bit more nucleus, that’s all! Someone a little more acidic than you are, dear.
Hyd: Oh! (Sighs again.)
Ox: Wow! (Staring at Sulfuric Acid) Would you get a load of those protons! Hubba, hubba! (Oxygen lunges at Sulfuric Acid.)
Hyd: Hey!
Ox: Gimme that proton! I want it!
Sulf: Sure, no problem. (Sulfuric Acid hands the Proton to Oxygen)
Ox: Look at me now! I’ve got three! I’m a hydronium ion. Wait ’til the other water molecules see this.
(Hydrogen undergoes a change when oxygen gets protonated. Hydrogen ceases to be a shy, retiring atom and becomes an aggressive, bond-eating electrophile.)
Hyd: Where’s that 2-methylpropene? Let me at ‘em!
(Hydrogen lunges for the organic molecule.)
Tert: Oh, man! Get a load of that nucleus! Proton city! Protonate me, baby!
Prim: No, me! Protonate me! It has to be me. (Angry aside to Tertiary:) You know that! I can’t be a carbocation. (Primary whips a pair of electrons over to Hydrogen, who grabs them and simultaneously lets go of Oxygen.)
Ox: Hey! That’s the trouble with hydrogens. They are so fickle.
Tert: Oh, no. I just hate being a carbocation! (To Oxygen): Hey! You in the water molecule! Don’t go away! I need some of those electrons. (Tert grabs a pair of Oxygen’s electrons.)
Ox: Hey! I don’t like this. This is more than I want to deal with. I can’t keep track of you and two hydrogens. My nucleus feels … exposed. (Oxygen hugs the bonding electrons closer to its nucleus.)
Ox-2: Well, if you can’t handle your hydrogens, I know someone who can. Me! (Ox-2 snatches one of Oxygen’s hydrogens and runs off with it, cackling gleefully.)
Ox: Oh, no! Do you realize what we are now? We’re an alcohol! I don’t want to be part of an alcohol! My parents didn’t raise me to be in an alcohol!
Tert: Well, then why did you bond with me?
Ox: I didn’t realize what I was getting into until it was too late! And to think I was once part of an ozone molecule in the upper atmosphere. How can I have fallen to such depths, so fast? (Molecule drifts offstage with oxygen going on and on about his fate.) And now it’s the gutter for me. Filthy organic molecules! If my mother could see me now, hybridizing my orbitals with a lowly carbon. How degenerate can you get…

January 26th, 2009 by Krista

Electrophilic Addition (A Molecular Drama)

Characters: Secondary carbon (Sec) is sharing four electrons with Primary Carbon (Prim) to form a propene molecule. Along comes a hungry electrophilic Hydrogen (Hyd) who is bonded to an electron-hogging Chlorine (Chlor).

Hyd: Oh, look at all those electrons on that propene!
Chlor: What’s with you? Aren’t my electrons good enough for you?
Hyd: (disgusted) Your electrons. That’s the whole trouble with you. They’re our electrons, you pig!
Prim: Hi, Hydrogen! Nice nucleus!
Chlor: You keep your electrons away from my Hydrogen’s nucleus!
Hyd: (to Propene) Would you share your electrons with little old me?
Prim and Sec: Yes!
Hyd: (Shoving electron pair at Chlorine) Here! Keep your precious electrons! I’m going to bond with someone who appreciates me.
(Hydrogen grabs one of the electron pairs shared by Secondary and Primary Carbons, and after a brief struggle, Secondary lets go, leaving Hydrogen bonded to Primary.)
Sec: Help! I’m a carbocation! Someone give me some electrons, quick! (Spots Chlorine.) Hey, you’ve got electrons to spare. Share them with me.
Chlor: You are very attractive, but my parents always warned me about organic molecules… (Chlorine looks worried, but doesn’t try to run away.)
Sec. Don’t give me that stuff! We’ll smell great together. (Secondary grabs a pair of Chlorine’s electrons and makes a bond.) Ah, that’s better! (Sec turns angrily to Primary.) How come I always have to be the carbocation? What’s wrong with you being a carbocation once in awhile?
Prim. (smugly) It’s against the Rule, as you know perfectly well.
Hyd: What Rule?
Prim: Markovnikov’s Rule. You see, Secondary there has all kinds of family support. There’s me and the Primary on the other side. We lend Secondary as much spare charge as we can afford when Secondary gets stuck as a carbocation. But if I were to become a carbocation (shudder), Secondary there is the only one who could help me out and that’s not much.
Hyd: I’d help you, bond-mate!
Prim: That’s sweet of you, Hydrogen, but let’s face it. You’ve barely got enough electrons to keep your own nucleus covered.

January 26th, 2009 by Krista

Top Signs you have been in Organic Chemistry Way too long

10. Every time you see a stop sign, you shout, “Cyclooctane!”

9. You accidentally called your dog Benji “Benzene.”

8. When you saw the Red & Black headline about that weird UGA student, Ioulia Zaitseva, the first thing you thought was, “Hey, Zaitseva—like Zaitsev’s rule!”

7. You can draw some of the compounds listed on your shampoo bottle.

6. It’s becoming all too common that when you write the word “chemistry,” you start it with CH3.

5. (FILL IN YOUR OWN CLEAVAGE JOKE HERE.)

4. You’re so delirious from studying late every night that you’re thinking maybe the final won’t be so hard.

3. Your best pickup line is, “I can’t spell nucleophile without U!”

2. You’ve added words like “snarf”, “goober”, and “honking” to your everyday vocabulary.

1. To be politically correct, you’ve started referring to fat people as “sterically hindered.”

January 26th, 2009 by Krista

The effects of kissing

Finally, something that feels good that’s not bad for you. In fact, say our lip service experts, laying a big wet one on the right partner can be downright good for your health.

Faith Hill has it right — a great kiss makes the world dissolve, makes us dizzy with desire.

“Kissing is passion and romance and what keeps people together,” says William Michael Cane, author of The Art of Kissing, who “lectures” on kissing at colleges around the country.

“Women say they can tell if a relationship is going to work after the first kiss, after the first night of kissing,” he says. “They just get a feeling, an intuition.”

And while kissing may feel oh-so-good, it also has health benefits, too. It triggers a whole spectrum of physiological processes that boost your immunity and generally spruce up that body you work so hard to keep attractive.

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Kiss Me, You Fool

Among the benefits of a good wet one: That extra saliva washes bacteria off your teeth, which can help break down oral plaque, says Mathew Messina, DDS, a private practice dentist in Fairview Park, Ohio, and consumer advisor for the American Dental Association. “Still, I would not go around advocating kissing after meals instead of brushing,” he says.

A serious, tongue-tangling French kiss exercises all the underlying muscles of the face — which some say could keep you looking younger, and certainly looking happier.

Kissing might even help you lose weight, says Bryant Stamford, PhD, professor and director of the health promotion center at the University of Louisville. “During a really, really passionate kiss, you might burn two calories a minute — double your metabolic rate,” he says. (This compares to 11.2 calories per minute you burn jogging on a treadmill.)

“But if your motivation for kissing is to burn calories, you’re in trouble,” Stamford points out.

When you give sugar, you actually burn sugar. Sex sparks a good calorie burn, Stamford says, especially “if you’re passionately involved, thrashing around. If things were really hot and heavy, you might be looking at a caloric expenditure similar to a brisk walk.”

But don’t confuse great sex with a cardiovascular workout, he says.

“People tend to have the misconception that anything that raises your heart rate has the same effect as jogging, so it must be good for fitness. Not true,” he says. “Anything can get your heart racing … that’s just adrenaline.”

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Kissing as Meditation

Tension relief — that’s what good lovin’ brings, says Stamford. “Sex and love are probably the Rodney Dangerfield of stress management. Because of all the negative energy we take in during the day, it’s a very positive benefit.”

All in all, kissing and everything it engenders keeps us going strong, living long, says Stamford. “The process of being active — and that can include kissing, sex, and any other whole-body activities — that’s what keeps you healthy.”

Sex, sensuality, and sensual touch have profound effects on well-being, says Joy Davidson, PhD, psychologist and clinical sexologist in Seattle, and former columnist for an online column called “Underwire.”

“Kissing is an exciting excursion into the sensual,” Davidson tells WebMD. “If we happen to be connecting with someone we care about, it produces a sense of well-being and a kind of full-bodied pleasure.”

Kissing is also “a sensual meditation,” she says. “It stops the buzz in your mind, it quells anxiety, and it heightens the experience of being present in the moment. It actually produces a lot of the physiological changes that meditation produces.”

And while kissing may be nature’s way of “opening the door to the sexual experience,” she says, “it also has all that lusciousness that we need to pull us out of the mundane and the ordinary and take us into moments of the extraordinary.”

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Birds, Bees, and More

Birds do it — tap their bills together, that is.

“We don’t know if bees do it,” says Helen Fisher, PhD, professor of anthropology at Rutgers University in Newark, N.J., and author of several books, including The Sex Contract and Anatomy of Love. Romantic love is her research specialty.

“All kinds of animals kiss,” says Fisher. “Insects will stroke each other with a leg, or stroke another’s abdomen. Even turtles, moles, and cats rub noses. Dogs lick each other’s faces. Elephants put their trunks in another elephant’s mouth.”

When chimpanzees kiss, “it’s with a deep French kiss,” she says. “They do it for all kinds of reasons — there’s social kissing, kissing to relieve tension, to express friendship, to make up after an argument. Two males will kiss, two females will kiss, a mother and child will kiss on the lips. They don’t choose mates; it’s whomever they’re interacting with.”

Kissing is a very investigatory process, Fisher explains.

“By the time you’re kissing someone, you’re right up next to them, you are in their personal space,” she says. “That in itself means you have trusted them. You’re also learning quite a bit about them — you touch them, smell them, taste them, see the expressions on their face, learn something about their health status, learn a great deal about their intentions.”

The brain contains “a huge amount of receptors devoted to picking sensations from the lips,” Fisher says. “When people have been stabbed in the back, they often don’t know it. They think someone has pounded them with their fist, because there aren’t many receptor sites for nerve endings.”

Why? All these sensors aid our survival. They direct a baby toward milk; they helped our ancestors — for millions of years — to discern whether their food was poisonous or not. “The mouth is absolutely essential to survival — everything passes through there, and if it’s the wrong thing, you’re cooked,” she says.

“The receptors on the lips are incredible,” she tells WebMD. “I’ve heard hookers say they would rather copulate with somebody than kiss them because the intensity of kissing somebody is so meaningful. There’s tremendous intimacy. … Even the genitals do not have the sensitivity that the lips have.”

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The Bonding Power of Locking Lips

For man and animals, kissing is a bonding behavior, she says. “There are all kinds of social reasons that humans and animals kiss, and they don’t all have to do with sex. Most cultures in the world do kiss sexually. [But some] peoples in South America, some in the Himalaya Mountains, do not kiss. They find it revolting to exchange saliva.”

Kissing also engenders touch, often called “the mother of the senses, because of its power,” says Fisher. “We know that massaging someone produces increased levels of oxytocin, which is a calming hormone. So there’s every reason to think kissing is extremely calming, if you know the person well, or extremely stimulating if you are in love with somebody.”

Studies of rodents — voles, specifically — have shown that oxytocin makes a mother vole become attached to its offspring, says Larry Young, PhD, professor of psychiatry in the Center for Behavioral Neuroscience at Emory University Medical School in Atlanta.

Whether a guy vole sticks around “afterward” seems to be driven by oxytocin, Young tells WebMD.

Prairie voles are the only vole species that mate for life; their genetic makeup drives them to produce satisfying amounts of oxytocin. On the other hand, mountain voles are loners and breed promiscuously; they produce virtually no oxytocin or vasopressin, the male version of the hormone.

In humans, this translates into the bonding benefits of kissing, foreplay, every bit of touching you do.

Here’s a tip: “One of most powerful releases of oxytocin is stimulation of the nipples,” Young tells WebMD. It’s the same biological mechanism that triggers milk flow during nursing. Sucking triggers oxytocin release, and thus the bond is created.

Humans, interestingly enough, are the only species that includes nipple stimulation in lovemaking, he adds.

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Romance, Love — or Lust?

That rush that sweeps through your body, during those particularly great kisses? Fisher knows it well.

“Kissing is contextual,” she says. “A kiss can be wildly sexual, wildly romantic, or it can be deeply gratifying because it’s an affirmation of attachment. Kissing somebody for the first time, rather than the 200th or 2,000th time, creates a situation of incredible novelty.”

That rush you feel is probably from two natural stimulants — dopamine and norepinephrine, Fisher says. “They tend to be activated when you get into a novel situation.”

Fisher says there are three different stages one typically goes through:

* lust — the craving for sexual gratification
* romantic love — the feeling of giddiness, euphoria, sleeplessness, and loss of appetite when you meet a new love
* attachment — that sense of security you find with a with long-term partner.

“Each of these is associated with different chemical systems in the brain,” says Fisher. Sex drive and lust are triggered by testosterone, in both men and women. Dopamine and norepinephrine kick in when romance begins. Oxytocin and vasopressin factor in at the attachment phase, bringing the sense of calm and peace you find with “the one.”

If you’re in the midst of a “mad love affair, it’s quite possible you simply feel levels of dopamine, that zing of romantic infatuation,” Fisher tells WebMD. “If all you’re doing is having a sexual fling with someone you like very well — but are not in love with and don’t feel attached to — then all you may feel is sex drive, the effects of testosterone.”

Unless you’re kissing the wrong person, kissing quite likely is good for us, says Fisher.

“I’ve often thought it would boost the immune system,” she says. “If you’re sharing your germs with somebody, you’re adding to your internal defense system.”

Kissing also stimulates the brain, and when the experience is a positive one, “you notice it,” she says. “That translates into the euphoria, or the sex drive, or the sense of calm and peace.

“Kissing helps your state of mind,” she adds. “Infatuation can be perfectly divine. If you’re madly in love with somebody, it’s perfectly wonderful to kiss them. It creates incredible intimacy. It boosts self-esteem. It’s wonderful to be kissed by somebody.”

January 25th, 2009 by Krista

Turns out it pays to be the unfavored child….good news!!

The Smothers Brothers aside, chances are if you’ve got a sibling, this is something you’ve either heard or said at some point in your life. Many people feel that their parents were harder on them than on their siblings. And many are quick to blame negative outcomes in adulthood on it.

But results from a Temple University study published this month in the Journals of Gerontology: Social Sciences suggest that if anything, the opposite is true.

Researchers found that between siblings in the same family, the effects of recalled negative early experiences such as conflict with parents and levels of discipline seem to have little influence over psychological well-being in mid-life.

“Existing research suggests the importance of early childhood parental treatment on later well-being, but respondents in this study who thought they were treated less favorably than their siblings have been found to be just as content in their lives,” said Adam Davey, a developmental psychologist in the College of Health Professions.

Davey’s study looked at data collected from 1,369 siblings between the ages of 26-74 from 498 different families to determine the extent to which perceived differences reach into adulthood and whether these disparities are associated with current-well being.

After accounting for age, gender and personality, each sibling answered a series of questions about their memories of parental affection, discipline and conflict and current well-being.

Davey and his team found that those who remembered parents being more lenient with siblings, or remembered having more conflict with their parents than their siblings, still tended to have generally high levels of well-being in adulthood. Not surprisingly, they also found that happier memories, such as levels of affection and warmth, can exert positive effects.

Older respondents and siblings who were married and had children of their own tended to have a more positive recollection of their childhood. Davey says these findings could suggest that life experience acts as a filter for remembering childhood memories. He adds that personality also plays a role: those who were more extroverted tended to have a better recollection of their childhood.

“Even people who grow up in the same environment can have different ways of recalling the past. And it’s not necessarily what happens in the past, but the way we remember it that makes a difference in our well-being,” said Davey.

Other authors on this study include Corinna Jenkins Tucker of the University of New Hampshire, Karen Fingerman of Perdue University, and Jyoti Salva of Virginia Polytechnic Institute and State University. The Midlife Development in the United States (MIDUS) Series is a data collection stemming from the work of the John D. and Catherine T. MacArthur Foundation Research Network on Successful Midlife Development (MIDMAC). This research was partially supported by a Brookdale Foundation Fellowship awarded to Karen Fingerman.

January 25th, 2009 by Krista

So a few things I have learned about marriage and what you need to know.

1. The communication between the two of you is transparent. “In his excellent book, Why Am I Afraid to Tell You Who I Am?, John Powell describes the five levels of communication: cliche, fact opinion, emotion, and transparency.”– From Starting Your Marriage Right, by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.

Transparent communication means you and your partner can move beyond the cliches, facts, opinions, and emotions to a level where you are both vulnerable, but where truth prevails in your relationship. Transparency doesn’t come quickly for most people, but when it does, freedom is not far behind. Transparency comes only with courage, nonjudgemental attitudes, and most importantly, trust. And this leads me to my next point.

2. You and your soulmate will trust each other completely. That means you don’t have to wonder if your loved one is doing something inappropriate, without thought to your wellbeing, or without sound judgment. Trust comes when words and actions line up to form a coherent picture of the person you love.

3. You and your soulmate know the meaning of unconditional love. One may say, “Keishia, how can you believe in such a concept in this day in age? This kind of love never happens–at least not outside of the movies.” I’m here to say that it does. If you read some of my previous posts, you’ll note all of the things that must be stripped from a person’s character (selfishness, pride, and jealousy) in order to get there. We can’t get there by our own will, but rather by God’s grace and by understanding His nature. No matter how hard we try to do it in our own strength and conviction, it’s the only way to rid ourselves of these three character flaws.

January 25th, 2009 by Krista

Amino Acids

I was searching around for some good Mnemonics or acronyms or anything I could find to remember the 20 essential amino acids names and structures. I found an excellent article here relating the structures of all the amino acids with easy ways to remember them. I’m going to mention things I found helpful for me here.

For those amino acids having non-polar aliphatic side chains, it was suggested that GAVLIMP as a good acronymn. For pronounciations sake it could be like:

G= Glycine

A= Alanine

Va= Valine

L= Leucine

I= Isoleucine

M= Methionine

P= Proline

Put it together, it comes to GAVa-LIMP. Thing is, the structures of the amino acids increase in complexity as you go from Glycine to Proline with Glycine having a hydrogen atom for the “R”- group while Proline has a sort of “penta-cyclic” side chain. Another way I remember this is swapping the first letters of the GAVa and LIMP to give LAVa-GIMP. Those of you that use Linux, will know that GIMP is a famous photo editing cum drawing program. So I picture the programs mascot, Wilber glowing with lava/fire!

In trying to remember the names and structure it was always helpful to observe any unusual or outstanding features of the molecule. For ones that do have such features, it was easy to remember. Only those groups of amino acids that had very subtle differences in their structures to the eye need help. For example, for the three amino acids Lysine, Histidine and Arginine in the “positively charged side chain” group I made up, LArHis (Larhis) rhymes with Lorries.

L=Lysine

Ar=Arginine

His=Histidine.

Couple of other oustanding features I found helpful were that the polar uncharged side chain containing Asparagine and Glutamine were amide versions of the negatively charged amino acids: Aspartate and Glutamate repectively. And also Cysteine and Methionine were the ones that contain Sulphur.

To remember the nine essential amino acids for humans: isoleucine,leucine,lysine,threonine,valine,tryptophan,histidine, methionine,phenylalanine,some students remember the sentence:”I love lysine though Val thinks his meth’spreferable.”

A helpful mnemonic for remembering essential amino acids is “Private Tim Hall” (PVT TIM HALL). Arginine, although not required in normal adults is required for infants. Another, that lists them in alphabetical order, is “ILL MPs Take To Valium.” Kreb’s trick to remember the essential amino acids: Archibald Vivian HILL Member of Parliament Tea Totalist.

January 25th, 2009 by Krista

Cry on my shoulder

You say you’re falling apart
Reached the end of the line
Just looking for your place in an oridnary life
No one calls you friend
No one even knows your name
You just want to feel loved instead of all the pain

You no longer have to say
No one’s listening anyway

Come here and cry on my shoulder
I’ll hold you ’til it’s over
I’ll rescue you tonight
Let My arms be your shelter
Your hiding place forever
I’ll love you more than life

You’re wearing a frown
Given up on hope
My heart is reaching out
More then you will ever know
Is your burden too much?
Is it more then you can bear?
I’ll help carry the load if you’re willing to share

You have had some hard times
Had thorns placed in your side
I know about what you’ve been going through
tears of pain are falling down
It hurts so bad you’re crying out
Your problems won’t last forever
Let Me put you back together

November 23rd, 2008 by Krista

Facebook— a productive use of time.

So I was studying for my two exams this week and working on my projects and I realized that I hadn’t been on facebook in nearly a whole hour so I went to get on and I noticed this article on my way and thought it was really intersting…..showing how facebook is a good use of time….after all it can lead to wonderful things like marrage….hehe….  So here is to you that need scientific accedited backing for my facebook adiction….it is actually for my personal advancemnet in society unlike all thoes wasted hours of reading text books

 

ST. LOUIS – Some might call it unproductive. Or maybe a bad habit. Or just a frivolous distraction. Or even dangerous.

Julianne Howell, a freshman at St. Joseph’s Academy, calls her daily Facebook routine time well spent.

“It’s like a social connection,” she said. “It’s not a waste of time. It’s like talking on the phone – that isn’t a waste of time.”

Howell’s justification for the hours she spends on the social networking site is dead on, according to a study released today by the MacArthur Foundation. A team of researchers working on the foundation’s “Digital Youth Project” concluded that interaction with new media such as Facebook is increasingly becoming an essential part of becoming a competent citizen in the digital age.

And further, all that Web surfing isn’t necessarily eroding the intelligence or initiative of the young generation.

“It may look like kids are wasting a lot of time online, but they’re actually learning a lot of social, technical and also media literacy skills,” said Mizuko Ito, a researcher at the University of California, Irvine who led the study.

A team of researchers conducted more than 800 interviews of youths and their parents, and spent more than 5,000 hours observing teens on sites such as Facebook, MySpace [website] and YouTube. The goal was to find out how youths use digital media, such as social networking sites and video games, to understand and participate in society.

Some of their findings should be no surprise to teens or their parents.

For instance, teens like to hang out with their friends online. They learn social skills online. They flirt online.

They develop interests, express themselves creatively, and give each other feedback – all online.

But the kicker?

All that Internet time isn’t rotting their brains. Actually, it’s almost necessary, according to the study.

Kids denied access to new media, because their family can’t afford it or because their parents, school or library restrict their access or time on social networking sites, are likely to be short on skills that members of their generation are expected to possess, the researchers concluded.

“When kids lack access to the Internet at home, and public libraries and schools block sites that are central to their social communication, youth are doubly handicapped in their efforts to participate in common culture and sociability,” the study reads.

The research was funded by the John D. and Catherine T. MacArthur Foundation, a social advocacy group that focuses, in part, on the effect of technology on children and society.

The study isn’t the first to suggest youths use new media in productive ways. Another study released in September by the Pew Internet and American Life Project suggested that teens use video games to stay in touch with friends – and that some games may even encourage youths to become involved in their communities.

November 23rd, 2008 by Krista

Everything Comes Down to Poo

J.D.: You see….
Everything comes down to poo!
From the top of your head, to the sole of your shoe
We can figure out what’s wrong with you by lookin’ at your poo!
Turk?

Turk: Do you have a hemorrhoid or is it rectal cancer?
When you flush your dookie down, you flush away the answer!

J.D.: It doesn’t really matter if it’s hard or if it’s loose
We’ll figure out what’s ailing you, as long as it’s a deuce!
Yes!
Everything comes down to poo!

Nurses: Everything comes down to poo!

J.D.: Cardiovascular and lymphatic, yes, the nervous system, too!
All across the nation, we trust in defecation!
Everything comes down to poo!

Turk: If you want to know what’s wrong, don’t sit and act so cool
Just be a man and eat some bran, and drop the kids off at the pool!

Robed Woman: My stomach hurts
J.D: Check the poo

Limping Woman: I sprained my ankle
Turk: Check the poo!

Bloody Shoulder Guy: I was shot!
J.D: Check the poo!

Delivery Guy: A homeless guy threw poo in my eye!
Turk: Check the poo!
Delivery Guy: Mine or his?
J.D: First him, then you!
It may sound gross, you may say “shush!”

J.D. & Turk: But we need to see what comes out of your tush!
Because!

All: Everything comes down to poo!
Whether it’s a tumor or a touch of the flu!

J.D. & Turk: Please, won’t you pinch us off a big, fat clue!

Turk: Our number one test is your Number Two!

All: If there’s no breeze, light a match please!
Everything comes down to –

J.D.: Doo-doo!
Turk: Doo-doo!
J.D.: Doo-doo!
Turk: Doo-doo!

All: Everything comes down to … poo!

November 18th, 2008 by Krista